Chapter Five: When Talking Isn't Enough
It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them.
-Dame Rose Macaulay
****
Beka hummed quietly as she worked on fixing the Maru, knowing that no one would hear her. She would shoot herself if anyone did, but she doubted anyone would.
"Beka? Are you in here?"
Beka jerked up quickly, and smacked her head on the arm of her pilot's chair. "Damn damn damn damn!" she sung out. "No one's in here; go away!" It didn't work. Dylan poked his head into the bridge of the Maru, smirking as he saw his first officer dancing around and holding her head. "You okay?"
"No, I'm not, you idiot!" she hissed at him. Her head hurt like hell.
"How about letting Captain Idiot take a look at your head?" Dylan suggested.
"How about..." Beka pretended to think about it. "No. I'm fine."
"Maybe you should sit down," Dylan tried. Truth was, he was worried about his first officer. The events of the past week were mostly a confusing blur, but he quite clearly remembered Beka's tear-stained face as he reasoned with her to leave him and save the others. From what Trance had told him, Beka had passed out after accepting the fact that she needed to save the others first and then Dylan, and Trance had ended up dragging both of them to Med Deck. Dylan had gone to the World Ship, saved Harper, Rev, and Tyr, and came back to the Andromeda. Beka had tried to blow up the World Ship, failed, but sprung back as usual. Or had she?
"Dylan, I'm fine," Beka said, rolling her eyes and sitting in the chair before he could make a big deal out of it. She knew what was coming next. Briefly, she considered stunning him, throwing him off the Maru, and making a run for it, then decided against that particular plan of attack on the basis that the man had a boomerang complex. No matter how far you threw him, he always came back.
"Are you? Beka, I think we need to talk," Dylan said.
"I so called that," she muttered darkly, then stood up a bit too quickly. "I think I need to go to Med Deck so that I can get a painkiller from the Purple One."
Dylan surprised her by grabbing her arm, forcing her back into the chair, and bending down so he was staring directly at her face. "No, we need to talk, Rebecca. And if I have to tie you to this chair to do it, I will."
Beka glared at him, then accepted the inevitable. "So, Dylan, what do you want to talk about? I mean, fashion advice isn't exactly my strong point and I'm not the best with hair, either-"
He cut her off quite effectively by putting his hand over her mouth. "Beka. We need to talk about what happened during the Magog swarm."
"Well, the Magog came on board, we shot a hell of a lot of them, you got injured, Tyr and Harper got captured, Rev pretended to turn evil, Trance and I got injured, Trance saved both our asses, you saved everybody else's asses, and we escaped. What more is there?" Beka finished, aware that she had been rambling.
"Back up to in between 'Trance and I got injured' and 'Trance saved both our asses'. That's what we need to talk about," Dylan said.
"What's there to talk about?" Beka asked, turning around and facing away from him.
"I don't remember much, but I do remember that you looked pretty upset," Dylan said, trying to put it so she wouldn't get defensive. It didn't work.
"Me? Upset? I wasn't upset. It was...the heat of the moment," Beka explained, quite unconvincingly. "I thought you were going to die, I was injured, and...I lost control. That was all."
Dylan accepted that for the moment, knowing he wouldn't get anything else out of her. "Okay, heat of the moment."
"Is there anything else?" Beka asked, irritated. "My head really hurts." "Actually, there was one more thing. Trance said she found you with...well, with a bottle...a bottle of...um...Flash," Dylan stuttered out, feeling uncomfortable. Beka tensed up immediately.
"So?" Beka would have lied, but she couldn't when she could feel his eyes on her.
"So? What happened, Beka?" He closed his eyes, praying that she wouldn't take this the wrong way. His prayers were unanswered.
"What happened? Do you really want to know?" Beka turned around and looked right into his eyes, challenging him to say no. "Fine. I'll tell you. I thought about taking Flash. I was about to before my brain had a Rommie-esque conversation with itself! One side wanted to take it so I could help the crew, and the other said no because I would be betraying you. And you know what? I decided not to take it. There, are you happy now? I chose not betraying you over the lives of my crew!"
"Beka, I'm sorry, I-" Dylan started, but was abruptly cut off by a slap to the face.
"Get off my ship!" Beka screamed at him. "You get off my ship right now, because I'm leaving!"
"Beka, please, think about it," Dylan pleaded.
In response, she hit him again, then pointed a gun at him. "You get off my ship, or I'll shoot you. And I can't miss."
He raised his hands, and backed carefully away. She followed him, made sure he was off the ship, then sealed the airlock behind him. She sat back down in her chair, buckled herself in, and prepared for take-off.
Dylan rushed to a computer terminal, shouting, "Rommie, don't let the Maru leave!"
She appeared on the screen in front of him. "I already did; why?"
"Never mind; connect me with the Maru," he ordered, cursing silently. When Beka's face appeared on the screen, he said quickly, "Beka, don't leave, please. We can talk this out."
"I'm through with talking, Dylan. I'm sick of this whole talking thing," Beka spat out.
"I'm leaving, and don't expect me back any time soon." With that, she cut communications, and Dylan hung his head against the wall.
On the Maru, Beka exited slipstream and just hung in empty space. She had no idea where she was going to go, and she had no idea why she had just did what she did.
****
****